Author notes problems women face as church leaders
The picture that sticks in Carol Becker's mind about men and women working together in the church might be called the creaking door. The picture has men on the inside trying to hold the church doors shut and women on the outside trying to pull them open.
Becker ought to know. As director of communications she was a top executive for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. Now she is a consultant who works with nonprofit organizations.
In her new book, "Leading Women: How Church Women Can Avoid Leadership Traps and Negotiate the Gender Maze" (Abingdon, $15), Becker says women's leadership style, characterized as collaborative and conciliatory, is derived from cultural conditioning rather than natural inclination.
Becker said during a recent presentation at Concordia College in St. Paul that women are only allowed one leadership style. "If women are assertive, goal-directed, firm, even authoritative, they may be criticized for being bitchy or tough or unfeminine."
Becker said male church leaders have certain expectations of women, and if they are not met, friction ensues. For instance, men expect women to compromise.
Also, women have to know how men think, and if they don't figure that out, they can't function in the organization. Further, women have to lead like men but at the same time remain feminine.
So there are traps women fall into without even knowing traps have been set.
First, the invisibility trap. Nobody listens when women speak in a meeting. And when first-rate suggestions for solving problems are made by a woman, males in a leadership group don't act on them. So a female executive discovers soon enough that a man will have to advocate for her ideas.
Then there is the Cinderella Syndrome, which occurs when a male boss believes his female assistant is there to make him comfortable. The female assistant may be expected to take minutes, make the coffee and perhaps even shop for the boss's Christmas gifts.
Of course, wherever men and women work together there is the sexual harassment trap, and the church is no exception. In fact, because men and women in the church work together on projects in which they intensely believe, there may be even greater opportunity for dangerous relationships.
What Becker is addressing in her book is the kind of atmosphere that tends to demean women. Church women are hired, Becker believes, because of the way they look. Some male church executives prefer to hire attractive
women. Some prefer plain women. But the way a woman looks makes a difference. And very beautiful women who might be a distraction can forget about working for the church.
"In a white male system of thinking, everything and everyone is first and foremost defined sexually," Becker says. "Women remind men of sex one way or another, depending on what they look like. A strikingly attractive woman will have a particular problem being viewed as competent.
"Her looks are distracting to men," Becker says. "Dualistic thinking makes it difficult for her to be seen as competent, because she is so attractive. And it's demeaning for her in the extreme to be reminded that her looks are what counts."
One attractive woman told Becker about an incident that happened just after she had completed an "incredibly brilliant" presentation. As she walked out the door of the meeting room, one of her male colleagues said, "I never noticed before what nice legs you have." She wanted to slug him, she told Becker, but decided to ignore the remark and move on.
Becker says men also have traps, and she understands why executives have tried to keep women out of top positions.
"Men fear the loss of a male community," Becker said. "Work may be the only place where they have a male community."
And as women fill church workplaces, men are expected to sublimate their sexual energy. In terms of touching, language, jokes and comments about women's appearance, men are expected to refrain from any behavior that might be considered harassment.
But women still find that the better jobs - senior pastor positions, executive jobs with top salaries and responsible duties that may require travel - almost always go to males. I predict that is going to change in the very near future.
Clark D. Morphew
3-2-96
