Being a Christian and a sinner isn't for the faint-hearted
I received a letter today from a fine Christian woman, and in her vast kindness she condemned my soul to hell. That is disturbing enough, but the second letter I opened today was from a Christian pastor who called me an idiot, a coward and a phony. So, I feel my personhood has been righteously attacked, and there are indications I may never recover. Since then, when I drive my van past a church, I break out in a cold sweat. I find my head hanging in shame for no apparent reason. I can't look decent people in the eyes anymore. And I find myself taking blame for other people's sins. I'm just kidding. I am so accustomed to nasty letters and mean rejoinders that I scarcely take note of them anymore, other than to pray to the Almighty that I might be saved from Christian wrath. You may think I am being overly critical of people in the Christian faith, but it is interesting that only Christians have condemned my soul to hell. It has been my experience that people of non-Christian religions are not as interested in condemning me as those who follow Jesus. One begins to wonder if only Christians believe God has given them power and authority to render other people hopeless for eternity. After this barrage of hate this morning, I began to wonder how people deal with condemnation when they hear it so often that it becomes a real thing. I mean, what if a parent had condemned someone so often this person becomes convinced that his or her fate is sealed? Or what if teachers and other people in authority repeat condemnations so often that the old head starts to hang down around the knees? I think I've seen people who just can't convince themselves they are worthy of living the good life. And therefore, throughout life, these decent people spend most of their time making excuses for themselves and apologizing. The most frightening condemnation I ever experienced came just after a Good Friday service in a mainline Christian church somewhere in the midwest U.S. I had been asked to preach the sermon for a very dramatic Good Friday worship in which all the lights in the sanctuary were extinguished at the end of the service to give the people a chance to meditate upon the death of Jesus. I had preached passionately that evening, and as I groped my way out of the darkened sanctuary, a man came rushing at me out of the darkness. Before I had a chance to defend myself, he screamed at me: "I rebuke you. I condemn you." I jumped back in an attempt to defend myself. The pastor of the church (bless his heart) pressed forward and stood between the angry man and me. "Stop," the pastor said with scant conviction as the man ran out the back door of the church. I was pushed down an empty hallway to an empty room. I sat there alone until the church staff returned and rescued me. The pastor who protected me said he could feel waves of heat rolling off the rebuker, so great was his anger. That night, I tossed and turned, suffering through many bad dreams with frightening scenarios. The next day, as I drove home over many miles of prairie, I appraised my sermon looking for an offending phrase. I finally concluded that it was the Gospel itself that offended the man, not my interpretation. But I also thought about those churches where sinners are singled out and brought before the congregation for a formal rebuke. I wondered how it feels to stand before a congregation of seemingly righteous people and confess a gross sin. I once knew a woman who embezzled money from her workplace. When she confessed the sin to her pastor, he ordered her to come to church, tell the sordid story publicly and ask for the congregation's forgiveness. She refused. When Sunday morning rolled around, the woman's name and sin were discussed in church and, as one might guess, the congregation decided not to grant her forgiveness. Obviously, being a Christian and a sinner is not for the faint-hearted. I have told people before that it is wise to consider how parishioners in your church would react if you were found guilty of a dirty and public sin. Would they add to your condemnation or rally support? Knowing the answer to that question could mean the difference between everlasting life and eternal shame. Clark D. Morphew 5-19-2000