I must make this pathetic confession so everyone understands I am not hiding anything from other believers. All surfaces of my body are without ornamentation except for the hilarious wrinkles and pouches of fat that litter the scene as I grow older. Yes, I am a clean religious boy.

You don't have to worry about coming to a swimming pool and finding me covered with tattoos as I float by the diving board. I am without Christian ornaments, symbols, signs, numbers or names. Yes, without question, I am a clean religious boy.

But the other day, as I registered for a Christian conference I noticed a young lady sitting at the sign-up booth who had a little religious cross tattooed between her breasts.

It did gain my attention and as I studied this art, it occurred to me that this young, attractive woman agreed to this tattoo as a witness to her faith. In fact, I have been told that young women in particular are not considered good born-again Christians unless they can display a couple of tattoos. Further, it is alleged that Jesus appreciates the practice of tattooing.

All my life I have resisted these fads and I am now quite satisfied I have done the correct thing. I also have never been to a nude beach and if some Christian guru starts telling us that going to a nude beach is the ultimate witness to our life with Jesus - then I will have to find an excuse, fraudulent or truthful, that will keep me high, dry and well-clothed.

Or what if they tell us all Christian people should shave their heads to provide evidence they are faithful believers? It was almost that bad in the 1960s when young people were growing long hair and parents and teachers were telling them that nice, decent young people would have short hair - flat-top butch hair cuts and other manly styles. Christian girls, meanwhile, would maintain short curly hair that nipped at their rosy cheeks and made everyone happy.

I remember a high school principal in the community who was punishing young people if their hair was too long. He also encouraged athletic coaches to kick long-haired young people off school sporting teams.

Before long the hairstyles of the young people started getting shorter but the parents, who had been lobbying for shorter hair for years, were suddenly very concerned because their children were being punished.

Concerned clergy gathered one day to discuss this matter and it was decided that a picture of the traditional Jesus would be purchased at the local Christian bookstore. Then the picture, which featured soft rolling curls that hung to the Lord's shoulders, would be altered to show the curls wiped out with oil-based paint. The curls would be replaced with a flattop, butch haircut, making Jesus look a bit sinister and mean.

When the principal opened the gift in the presence of a couple of clergy, he was all smiles at the thought of receiving a gift from the local ministerium. But when he saw the flat-topped Jesus his eyes squeezed into slits, his mouth became a cauldron of disgust, his chin began quivering with uncertainty.

He literally could not speak. The hand holding the portrait dropped to his knee. He stared at the floor and then out the window. The clergy said nothing.

Finally he looked up and sort of smiled. "So, what you're trying to say is that all this outward stuff doesn't matter," the principal said. "What you want me to say is that Jesus would have had a butch if that was the style in those days. I know what you want - you want me to look beyond the haircut into the real person. Is that what you want? I mean, I can do that."

And he did learn to weigh the important aspects of a person's life and identity. That is the lesson we all must hold close to our mind, the real person is not identified by a hair-do and the real measure of faith is not found in a tattoo.

Clark D. Morphew