Ethical Wills May Help Leave Blessings, Thoughts, and Hopes

Most people have a legal will that outlines how their valuables should be disbursed after death. Others also may have a living will, which lays down the conditions of one's death, detailing what extraordinary measures, if any, people want medical professionals to take on their behalf when they are seriously ill or at the end of life.

But most people have done nothing to protect and distribute the most valuable things they possess: the values, ethics, and blessings family members deserve to know about.

A movement has developed that encourages people to write their ethical and spiritual convictions and publish them in a document for posterity. What may seem a simple matter can be quite daunting to those who have tried to sum up a lifetime of values and beliefs, some of which may have shifted or changed dramatically over the years.

"My own ethical will was really tough to write,'' said Barry Baines, a family physician and the associate medical director for HealthPartners in Bloomington. Baines led the HealthPartners team that participated in last year's IHI Breakthrough Series.

Baines has not only written an ethical will for himself and his family but also developed a kit that helps the average person sort out what's important to him or her. Baines is a member of Adath Jeshurun congregation in Minnetonka. Most of the encouragement to write ethical wills comes from the Jewish community, but Jews are quick to point out that members of any religion might find the task significant and meaningful.

"I think it's a wonderful, wonderful thing and an important thing," Rabbi Stacy Offner of Shir Tikvah said. "It would be hard to find parents of children who do not have a legal will. And that's about material things. But we don't pass along our moral opinions in the same (way). It's a wonderful exercise. It's good not only for those who receive the ethical will but those who write it."

Baines' ethical will, which is included as an example in the kit he developed, has some rather tender advice for his children.

"My hopes for you are that you find a vocation that adds value to the world," Baines wrote. "I feel very lucky to have worked in the hospice world and devoting some of my energies to issues people face at the end of life. I think trying to relieve suffering has been a worthwhile pursuit for me."

Baines also talks about his wife, Sandy, and their life together. He talks about the importance of humor, making mistakes as a way to learn, of having a balance in life and respecting other people. An ethical will, he says, is a way to see that your values live on. Baines also says those values may change and increase over the years and that re-writing an ethical will may be important.

The concept of ethical wills has been around since biblical times. For instance, in Genesis, Jacob summoned his family to his deathbed and briefly described the family's heritage to each son as they gathered about his bed. Another example is the blessing of Joseph, who saved his family from famine and hunger when he served the Pharaoh of Egypt as his first in command.

Baines said the writing of an ethical will does not have to be a deathbed experience, such as Jacob's blessings of his sons.

"When I first heard about it [ethical wills], I was thinking of it at the end of life. But it doesn't have to be. For instance, people getting married could take a look at it, and clergy could ask them to write an ethical will. During estate planning, you bequeath your valuables, but do you bequeath your values? Funeral homes doing pre-need planning can encourage the elderly to prepare an ethical will.

"People in a hospice situation have been given a death sentence, so they want to spend their time with something important. I've been amazed at the positive response,'' Baines said. "We can pass on blessings, give burial instructions. It's almost like a love letter. But anybody writing an ethical will must avoid guilt trips and reaching out from the grave to scold.''

Baines says an ethical will should sum up a person's life, give blessings and honor members of the family. He is now developing a website at www.ethicalwill.com, where he hopes to maintain an archive of what others have written to help others write their own.

"After they are gone what do they leave other people - the important people in their life?'' Baines asked "What exactly is the value of their life?''

Getting a Kit: An Ethical Will Resource Kit can be purchased for $7.95 plus $1.00 for shipping and handling from Brochin's Book and Gift Shop. Call toll-free at 1-877-827-7323.

Clark D. Morphew