It has gotten so bad that I can hardly step out of this newspaper's building without being confronted by a well-meaning clergy person who wants to set me straight. After a while, even the most determined and opinionated columnist must re-examine his or her ideas.

So I'm going to admit that I was wrong. Weddings of nonmembers are not an opportunity for evangelism. Actually, they are a moment when very likely your congregation and pastor will end up being used.

Here's the way it often works and, allow me to warn you, the scenario is sordid.

A nice, young, unchurched couple decide that they are in love and want to get married. They announce their engagement to family and friends and they feel loved and accepted. But then the raw details of a wedding begin to confront them. She wants a church wedding because all of her friends had a church wedding. He doesn't care, as long as her parents are paying the bills.

They start looking at churches as they drive to and from movie theaters and restaurants. They finally decide St. John's by the gas station is the prettiest church in their neighborhood and will accommodate the 150 guests they're expecting.

So they make an appointment to see the pastor, the Rev. Sylvia Sin, who is a young, dynamic clergy woman, a no-nonsense type who will surely help the young couple to the grandest wedding in history.

But the Rev. Sin tells the couple there is a congregational policy about allowing nonmembers to use the church building and having the benefit of clergy at their festivity.

First, the young couple is told, they will be expected to regularly worship for a year before the congregational fathers and mothers will even consider a wedding in the church sanctuary. Second, there are certain fees that must be paid in advance: $400 for the sanctuary, $400 for the pastor, $250 for the organist and $200 for the custodian. And they will be expected to spend three, two-hour sessions of premarital counseling and take a compatibility test that will require about four hours of their time.

When the young couple return to their automobile, they sit in stunned silence. Finally the young bride-to-be speaks, "This is going to cost almost as much as the photographer. He's only charging $1,500 for a basic set of pictures, and this church is going to cost us $1,250, " she wails. "I don't think we can afford this church. And besides, I don't want to go to church every Sunday for a year."

Eventually the young couple will probably find a sanctuary and a pastor who will help them out. Because there are always churches that believe they can convert a young couple or they have a conviction that their pastor ought to work harder on weekends.

But, my guess is, this couple wanted nothing to do with church, that is, the day-by-day sacrifice and commitment to a life of faith. And pouring cheap grace on their wedding will not help them in the long run of marriage.

One of the things a congregation must consider is that church is a business, as well as a sanctuary for seeking souls. It has to pay the bills, and it has to reward its employees. If you're not charging fees for nonmember weddings, you're telling the young couple a lie. And the lie is, it will not cost you a thing to belong to this congregation Ñ no money, no time, no sacrifice.

You may also be telling young couples a theological lie if the congregation does not require certain sacrifices prior to the wedding. You may be saying this moment in your history has no import. You probably will not be in this for life. It is just a romantic moment that you will cherish until the relationship dissolves.

But the truth is, every wedding is a sacred moment. It is a time when God mystically binds two people together for life. It's hard to beat that as a life-changing and life-giving event. Marriage should be held in honor by all.

Clark D. Morphew