As far as I know, my children (all adults) can move freely in this society, are not banned from any public buildings and do not need to hide from any person seeking revenge.

They eat reasonably healthy diets, consume socially acceptable drugs (caffeine, mostly) and wear clothes that acceptably cover their bodies. They have moved from rock 'n' roll to more respectable kinds of music such as jazz, rhythm-and-blues and a taste of classical. They all have incomes and are able to support themselves.

Is this all a father should expect?

How about pets? Not one of them owns a dog - not even a cat, a goldfish or a bird. When I have the strength to admit it, my children are pet-impaired. They don't even talk about having a pet. This is on my conscience forever.

They have a variety of excuses: allergies, no time to care for the thing, an aversion to mysterious critters moving about their apartments while they sleep. Petty excuses, to be sure.

I jest, of course. What father would count a grown child's pet as an accomplishment of his fathering? OK, there might be one or two fathers out there who puff up with pride when they see their child's perfectly trained hunting dog haul in a mallard. But for the most part, fathers who have pushed their children out of the nest desire something more for their offspring.

We want our children to be happy. I figure if a young person is happy 75 percent of the time - that constitutes happiness. That's about what I get on my best days.

But I wonder about those fathers who face their special day with dread. Yes, there are fathers who have messed up their children's lives in a very real way. Where do they go on Father's Day for comfort and praise?

That's the problem with these days honoring fathers and mothers. There are many assumptions made about how people live their lives. We assume everyone is raised by an attentive father whose worst crime is watching too many sporting events on television during the weekends.

But there are men in our society who have not only failed to be attentive but actually did their children severe harm. And then, in some cases, the Bible says, those sins of the fathers will be visited upon the third and fourth generations.

What can we say to fathers who have lost a child - perhaps a son killed in a war, or a senseless auto accident, or even a rebellious spirit that sent them running from home at an early age?

We want these days honoring parents to be politically correct, to embrace all the parents of the world regardless of how they met the burdens and joys of parenthood. But that is not the way the day washes out.

The truth is, there are parents in our world living in deep and abiding grief and some existing in a state of perpetual shame because of their behavior. It just doesn't add up that every father will be loved, admired and praised this weekend.

The other side of the coin is the children left to struggle without caring parents. Where do they go to find a picture of a brighter life? If they are separated from their father, how can we show them the miracles wrought by divine forgiveness, a reconciliation that goes beyond the human heart into the very core of holiness?

We live in hope that forgiveness can be forged between human beings. But the terrible truth is, forgiveness is not always possible on a human level. That's when the only recourse is to give up pride, arrogance and denial and come home to holy love, where forgiveness is always waiting to be claimed.

Clark D. MorphewJune 14, 1997