Ideas to get church back in the marriage ceremony
Heres an interesting twist on an ancient ritual that many of us have participated in at least once during our adult lives.
Im talking about weddings and all the traditional hoopla that accompanies the binding of a man and woman together spiritually. Yes, it is expensive. You have white dresses and tuxedos, limousines and honeymoons in romantic places plus wedding cakes, champagne and gourmet dinners.
And, of course, all of this usually takes place in a house of worship while a droning spiritual leader, the picture of goodness, takes the couple from the wedding ceremony into the state of marriage.
But wait, something has happened in the past 30 years.
I know this because I performed what must have been one of the first weddings ever held outside a church.
The nuptials took place in a glass building filled with flowers and fish. In the photos, I have lilies sprouting out of my ears. In the essential photos, the bride and groom are surrounded by roses and almost smothered by relatives. The groom, I vividly remember, stiffed me with the flashing of an empty wallet, saying, Hey, Rev, Ill catch you later on the fee. OK?
What could I do sue the guy? I left the greenhouse and drove home with my own empty wallet. I did not realize then that big, traditional church weddings were sliding down the slope of obscurity.
Dont misunderstand. I tell all my kin to get married in a church. But they heed another call: to be different, to be bright, to be natural and to save money.
Ive done weddings in the woods with mosquitoes buzzing about my hymnal, in fancy clubhouses with dignitaries of every kind, in a former railroad roundhouse with the fragrance of grilled lamb billowing in the huge open doors. Ive done a wedding in a hall with a painted scene of Prague behind the wedding party, in elaborate old mansions, in private homes and in apartment party rooms. Next week, I will preside over a ceremony on a cruise ship somewhere on Lake Superior.
As I watch my children and young colleagues fly off to weddings during the summer months, Im amazed at the variety of places where people tie the spiritual and romantic knot on
beaches, in brightly lighted wedding chapels, midair leaping from airplanes and underwater while scuba diving. You name it, its been done maybe twice.
And the people in our churches wonder why the sanctuary of their blessed spiritual home is no longer good enough for young people to use for their wedding.
If thats something you think about, start planning what you can do to bring those young people back to church on their wedding day. Here are my suggestions:
First, air-condition the sanctuary just in case bad weather rules the day.
Second, provide a beautifully planned and manicured outdoor sanctuary where wedding ceremonies can be tastefully done.
Third, do everything possible to personalize the ceremony. Provide kneelers, banners and fanciful candle holders, fountains, catering kitchens, grilling facilities, elaborate space for dining, and it wouldnt hurt to get to know the people who rent the biggest tents in Christendom.
Sure it will cost money. But if you want young people to gravitate to your congregation on the biggest day of their lives, money should be no object.
There was a day when a couple could get married in style for a couple of hundred bucks. That was with the ceremony in the church sanctuary, the reception in the church basement and the honeymoon in the next county. Today, a sensible wedding easily can cost $10,000.
But its an evangelistic moment. Who knows when that couple will remember their wedding day and decide to return to church? Id say that its worth talking about because it builds the kingdom. And advancing Gods realm is the only reason for your congregation to exist. If kingdom building is one of your goals, what you have is an exclusive club.
Clark D. Morphew
7-27-97
