Perhaps it was a moment of weakness on their part. I was simply canvassing the newsroom looking for anyone who wanted to be ordained. Most people looked at me as if I had just had a firecracker explode in my hair. Some showed great sympathy but declined.

However, these two guys were waving their hands in the air as if they were in the fourth grade and they had come up with the right answer for the first time in a semester. In a drought, a fellow will settle for any old pond, despite the creatures swimming in the muck.

We got on the Internet, and after getting vital statistics, such as name and address, these fellows were ordained within three minutes. We printed out their ordination certificates. My new preachers were very proud fellows. The second step was to walk to the county courthouse and register the documents. Once we accomplished that, the two men would be official ministers registered with the State of Minnesota.

Further, they would be able to marry, bury and baptize. They could establish their own church. They could ordain other ministers. This could be an entirely new vocation with few strings attached.

So we went to the courthouse and stood in line for about 10 minutes before a friendly clerk came by, stamped the certificates and recorded them in a three-ring binder. Instantly, two more men were added to the list of ministers in Minnesota.

This was made possible by the Universal Life Church, a religious institution that has been around for decades. Kirby Hensleyis listed as the bishop even though he passed away last March.

Andre Hensley, Kirby’s 42-year-old son, probably will be overseeing the Universal Life Church. But the problem is the religion doesn’t have much to oversee. There are no doctrines, except they believe in “that which is right and in every person’s right to interpret what is right.”

In other words, members of the Universal Life Church can determine what they want to believe, and it is not the business of any bishop to oversee. They also can determine their own church practices and standards for behavior.

Kirby Hensley founded this unique church in 1959 after deciding to bring all believers together into one giant religion.

He decided the best way to gather big crowds was to do away with the laity and to give everyone a certificate of ordination.

According to church literature, Hensley was raised in the Appalachian Mountains, and his pappy decided it would be best to keep the boy away from the printed word.

So in a kind of oral schoolhouse, the Hensleys raised their children to memorize passages from the Bible. That was their only education until they left home.

Over the years, Kirby Hensley ordained thousands and helped them establish congregations.

My little experiment in unholy hucksterism proves one vital thing: When dealing with clergy, it is a “buyer beware” situation.

Clark D. Morphew