Online ordinations create 'buyer beware' situations
Last week I committed a questionable religious act. I ordained
a couple of guys who never dreamed they would be a part of the
heavenly storm troopers. Perhaps it was a moment of weakness on their part. I was simply
canvassing the newsroom looking for anyone who wanted to be ordained.
Most people looked at me as if I had just had a firecracker explode
in my hair. Some showed great sympathy but declined. However, these two guys were waving their hands in the air
as if they were in the fourth grade and they had come up with
the right answer for the first time in a semester. In a drought,
a fellow will settle for any old pond, despite the creatures swimming
in the muck. We got on the Internet, and after getting vital statistics,
such as name and address, these fellows were ordained within three
minutes. We printed out their ordination certificates. My new
preachers were very proud fellows. The second step was to walk
to the county courthouse and register the documents. Once we accomplished
that, the two men would be official ministers registered with
the State of Minnesota. Further, they would be able to marry, bury and baptize. They
could establish their own church. They could ordain other ministers.
This could be an entirely new vocation with few strings attached. So we went to the courthouse and stood in line for about 10
minutes before a friendly clerk came by, stamped the certificates
and recorded them in a three-ring binder. Instantly, two more
men were added to the list of ministers in Minnesota. This was made possible by the Universal Life Church, a religious
institution that has been around for decades. Kirby Hensleyis
listed as the bishop even though he passed away last March. Andre Hensley, Kirbys 42-year-old son, probably will
be overseeing the Universal Life Church. But the problem is the
religion doesnt have much to oversee. There are no doctrines,
except they believe in that which is right and in every
persons right to interpret what is right. In other words, members of the Universal Life Church can determine
what they want to believe, and it is not the business of any bishop
to oversee. They also can determine their own church practices
and standards for behavior. Kirby Hensley founded this unique church in 1959 after deciding
to bring all believers together into one giant religion. He decided the best way to gather big crowds was to do away
with the laity and to give everyone a certificate of ordination. According to church literature, Hensley was raised in the Appalachian
Mountains, and his pappy decided it would be best to keep the
boy away from the printed word. So in a kind of oral schoolhouse, the Hensleys raised their
children to memorize passages from the Bible. That was their only
education until they left home. Over the years, Kirby Hensley ordained thousands and helped
them establish congregations. My little experiment in unholy hucksterism proves one vital
thing: When dealing with clergy, it is a buyer beware
situation.
Clark D. Morphew
Posted For September 11, 1999