Renewal Center offers help when a pastor could use a pastor
Let me tell you a little story about a pastor who finally awakened to his purpose when another man reached the end of his rope. The two met after a worship service casually, one a layman and a visitor, the other the pastor of the church. Immediately the pastor introduced himself and they chatted for a moment. The next day the visitor called and asked to talk to someone right away, and the pastor happened to be sitting at his desk wishing for a needy person. So they chatted again, this time over the phone. It was fairly simple: the pastor thought the man had an angry wife, many debts and a work situation that probably was not going to get better. Even though the man said several times that he was at the end of his rope, the pastor was confident everything would work out fine. They made an appointment to meet in person and work on the issues. The day arrived and the man did not appear at the pastors office. A week passed, and by that time the pastor was so busy he could not find the time to track the man down and set up another appointment. Weeks later the phone rang, and the announcement was tragic. In fact, the man did literally reach the end of his rope: His son found his lifeless body hanging from a rafter in the garage. This death sent the pastor into a tailspin. Suddenly his entire system for maintaining his self-worth was destroyed. He saw himself as a phony. He picked apart his history, beginning with childhood and continuing through all the lies he told to that minute. He catalogued every failure he had ever committed and obsessed about them, reliving them over and over, night and day, bringing himself to the point where he could not continue ministry. He resigned short of a year of the mans suicide. He walked away from the dream of his life. This is not a typical story of a pastors ministry. But its true that clergy are sometimes so busy taking care of others that they cannot take care of themselves. At the Minnesota Renewal Center, Patrick Repp, the director and chief counselor, sees how clergy are struggling. This is a very difficult time to be in ministry, Repp said. Pastors have many tools to deal with their own problems, and yet they have many more pressures. For one thing, baby boomers are skeptics. And they dont trust leadership. So the clergy become very isolated. Repp says 70 percent of clergy do not have someone they consider a close friend. Almost all of them work too many hours and at least half of them feel unable to meet the demands of their work. They fear their job is negatively affecting their families. Their self-esteem has been lowered by the job. Forty percent inappropriately get involved sexually, and more than half say they have no one with whom to discuss their sexual temptations. And the pedestal thing still exists, Repp said. We idolize these people at least what they are upfront. And the congregation does not want to know if they have failings. Thats the trouble spot for a good many people who serve congregations: All of those people sitting in the pews might be considered friends. But they dont act like friends. They dont show concern. Sometimes they are judgmental and punitive. Sometimes they expect the pastor to be the perfect caregiver. They want to be leaders, Repp said. Theres an ethos that says, Im the one who gives help, not the one who gets help. So when the clergy get their sexual temptations under control and develop a growing marriage, when they start growing spiritually and learn how congregations work, they often still have to deal with their own unrealistic expectations. Weve had people in here who believe their career goal is to win the world for Christ, Repp said. Weve had people in here who have had successful ministry, but they still feel like failures.
Clark D. Morphew,(August 5, 2000)