It has happened thousands of times. A church gets a pastor who can’t seem to figure out the intricacies of life and certainly doesn’t know how to untangle the needs and expectations of an entire congregation. At first, congregation and pastor seem to snuggle. Then they get into a serious relationship that eventually will be destroyed by frustration. Before long, both pastor and parish are looking for new alliances.

Ken McFayden, executive director of the North Central Career Development Center in New Brighton, a northern suburb of St. Paul, Minn., says many of the problems experienced today by pastors and congregations might be avoided if everyone involved paid more attention to the relationship.

McFayden, who counsels with hundreds of candidates for admission into seminaries and pastors who are having difficulty with parish relationships, says the problems often begin years before the potential pastor ever gets to a congregation.

“A person self-selects,” McFayden said. “A guy might join a congregation and then gets very involved. The congregation becomes a big part of his life. And then he thinks this would be a pretty good life. And he decides to enter the seminary and study for the ministry. And of course, the congregation is thrilled that one of their own is going to the seminary.

“And the seminaries have a crucial role to play,” McFayden said. “Of course, they are driven by mission and they must meet the needs of the students and of the church. But many of their students come to the seminary with no idea they want to serve in a parish. But that is the expectation of the church. The student might just want to grow or to spread life open.”

Eighty percent of the men and women who enter seminary are mentally and emotionally healthy, McFayden said. But 15 to 20 percent have some questions about their own leadership ability. Nevertheless, most theological students are encouraged to focus on parish ministry.

Today, religious leaders understand that parish ministry is not the only way to serve the Lord. A multitude of other legitimate ministries are open to the earnest theologian.

Therefore, rather than push every theological student into the same mold, seminary leaders want their charges to find their own path.

“We want them to discover not just who they are but also, who has God called them to become,” McFayden said.

Therefore, rather than taking all direction from peers and professors, the successful student will work hard to discover his or her unique direction to take in establishing a personal ministry. The trick is for each student to work on self discovery all the way through seminary training.

McFayden says church leaders have been worrying since the 1800s that “we are not getting the best and brightest” people to enter seminary.

He doesn’t believe that’s true, but if it is, how much fault should be assigned to parishes where young people first struggle with the idea that full-time ministry may be a calling?

McFayden says every time a pastor sits down with a man or woman and suggests the ministry as a life’s work, the pastor creates a scenario that may plague the person forever. Many who enter ministry when it is not a vocation end up being frustrated, lonely and isolated.

Some people head for the seminary because family members have always maintained the ministry is what God intended for them. Some students may have had the doors to other vocations closed to them or they failed to succeed in other careers. Occasionally, students will enter seminary because they want the care and nurturing of the church, and protecting, serving and providing direction for a congregation may not be their highest priorities.

McFayden served as a parish pastor himself before moving on in his academic life and earning a doctorate. He understands the intensity of parish ministry and the stress that innocent parishioners can bring to a relationship with clergy.

That’s exactly what he wants every candidate for seminary studies to understand: Rewards as well as many moments of stress are plentiful in parish ministry.

Clark D. Morphew